Ep. 057: What If Saying It Out Loud Makes It Worse?
You know that nagging voice in your head that just won’t take a break? Yeah, the one that tells you you're not doing enough or everyone else has their life together while you’re just here, existing? Well, let’s dive into the murky waters of our not-so-sunny thoughts. We’re constantly told to manifest positivity and speak good vibes into existence, but what happens when the truth is more shadow than sunshine? In this episode, we’re peeling back the layers on the tension between keeping it real and staying positive. We're chatting about whether voicing our darker thoughts makes them worse or if it’s a step toward healing—because honestly, it’s a wild ride trying to balance honesty with the pressure to maintain a happy facade. So grab your favorite snack, get comfy, and let’s explore this gray area together! Don’t forget to drop your thoughts in the comments!
Podcast Title: Generator
Episode Title: What If Saying It Out Loud Makes It Worse?
Episode Number: 57
Publish Date: 14 July 2025
Takeaways:
- It's totally normal to have a loud inner critic that says you're failing, and you're not alone in this struggle.
- We often fear that voicing negative thoughts might make them worse, but sometimes honesty is the best healing.
- Asking for help can feel like admitting failure, which is a tough pill to swallow in a culture obsessed with positivity.
- Speaking our truth requires context and connection; sharing struggles with a friend is different from posting it online.
- Words can build or destroy; it's all about how, when, and where we communicate our feelings.
- It's okay to feel not okay sometimes; acknowledging our struggles is part of being human.
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Transcript
You ever have one of those days where the voice in your head just will not shut up?
Speaker A:And I'm not talking about that.
Speaker A:Productive.
Speaker A:I forgot to send the invoice voice.
Speaker A:I'm talking about the voice that says, you're failing, you're behind, everyone else is doing better.
Speaker A:You shouldn't feel like this.
Speaker A:I know a lot of that is born from ego in comparison, but I'm not trying to get into that right now.
Speaker A:I'm trying to dig into how many of us deal with this type of thinking at a practical level.
Speaker A:Level.
Speaker A:So let's start with something really simple.
Speaker A:We're told that what we say out loud affects our mindset, right?
Speaker A:Speak positivity, manifest good things.
Speaker A:Don't feed the negativity.
Speaker A:But what happens when the truth, the real truth, is messy or dark or heavy?
Speaker A:So the question that I've been battling lately is if I speak it out loud, am I releasing it or reinforcing it?
Speaker A:And that's what I want to explore today.
Speaker A:Again.
Speaker A:Not to fix it, not to land on some sort of TED Talk answer.
Speaker A:Lord knows I'm not a counselor or a therapist, but I just wanted to say what I think a lot of us feel and maybe give us all a little bit of breathing room.
Speaker A:So let's start with what we're taught and listen.
Speaker A:I've taken the classes, I've read the books, I've done the meditations for years, but often I still feel stuck.
Speaker A:Now, if you listen to all the self help gurus out there, the whole culture tells us, speak it into existence.
Speaker A:Words become thoughts, thoughts become actions.
Speaker A:Keep it positive.
Speaker A:Don't say anything you don't want to attract.
Speaker A:There's a million different tropes and cliches out there.
Speaker A:But what if the things that I need to say aren't positive?
Speaker A:What if I wake up and I need to say I feel hopeless or I hate where I'm at in life?
Speaker A:Or no matter how much I try, I don't believe it's going to get better and I don't have the ability to make it better, even though that's all I want in the world.
Speaker A:Am I manifesting a worse future by saying that out loud?
Speaker A:Or am I finally just being honest with myself?
Speaker A:Because when we only celebrate the bright side of life, what we're actually doing is we're telling people to help us lie to ourselves for our own comfort.
Speaker A:Intellectually, I know that we have to ask the hard questions of ourselves.
Speaker A:And to do that, we have to be able to face the negativity head on.
Speaker A:It's the only real way to change that avoidant behavior.
Speaker A:But if we just try to solve this in our own heads, or even if we write it down, how do we dig deeper if we've dug as far as we can dig on our own?
Speaker A:So the next rule is always a very well intentioned ask for help.
Speaker A:Everyone says it.
Speaker A:Therapists and friends and motivational speakers.
Speaker A:But in real life, asking for help can feel like failure.
Speaker A:We're supposed to believe that if we just put our mind to it, we can do anything.
Speaker A:My friend Nicole likes to say, jokingly, that she has this irrational belief in herself that success will come.
Speaker A:And I agree with that.
Speaker A:I believe in myself more than probably anybody else in the world.
Speaker A:But I still feel like a failure when I tally up that emotional ledger.
Speaker A:The reality is that I've had moments where I needed someone badly, but the moment I thought about texting them, I hear this voice in my head that says, they're gonna think you're a burden, you're weak.
Speaker A:They're dealing with their own stuff.
Speaker A:You're gonna be making them more depressed.
Speaker A:You're such a bad friend.
Speaker A:Why do this?
Speaker A:It's like we've built this impossible standard.
Speaker A:Be vulnerable, but not too vulnerable.
Speaker A:Be real, but not depressing.
Speaker A:Speak up, but only if it's already been resolved.
Speaker A:So instead of asking for help, we either implode or we post some cryptic story on Instagram, hoping someone picks up on it.
Speaker A:And that's not healthy, but it's real.
Speaker A:And just as a side note on that whole cryptic message thing, I've.
Speaker A:I've learned to be able to spot the cries for help amidst the yearning for affirmation.
Speaker A:Some people post in the dark moments as a true signal that they need help and they have no other support system.
Speaker A:Others do it because they're addicted to trauma dumping and the attention that they get from it.
Speaker A:Listen, I'm not here to judge anyone.
Speaker A:I certainly can't read minds, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't do both of those things in the past.
Speaker A:Have you ever done something like that?
Speaker A:All right, here's another one.
Speaker A:Manifestation.
Speaker A:I get it.
Speaker A:I really do.
Speaker A:The idea that what you focus on expands the intention and energy will always create results.
Speaker A:I've read Napoleon Hill and Wallace Waddle and David Hawkins and Joe Dispenza and countless other books on the connection between thoughts and frequencies and the laws of attraction.
Speaker A:But what if your brain is just wired for anxiety?
Speaker A:What if your intention is just survival?
Speaker A:What if your thoughts As a default bias, lean towards catastrophe.
Speaker A:Or maybe it's not even catastrophe, but something more bleak than bright.
Speaker A:Is it my fault?
Speaker A:Am I to blame for that?
Speaker A:Can I blame my parents?
Speaker A:Because that would make it way easier.
Speaker A:Did I manifest my own stress because I didn't think enough happy thoughts?
Speaker A:The fact that I'm thinking about stress or lack of finances or the state of the world and trying to process it in ways that make sense to me, Am I just making matters worse?
Speaker A:It's a weird slippery slope when we think about it.
Speaker A:So when we say your thoughts shape your reality, it can empower people or quietly shame them.
Speaker A:For me, I default to shame.
Speaker A:I start to run the top 10 greatest failures of my life every time I put my head in a pillow.
Speaker A:And it's hard for a lot of people, especially if they're already struggling.
Speaker A:So what's the answer?
Speaker A:Do we go off grid, give up possessions, and live in untethered life like a monk?
Speaker A:Do we work harder or think more positively?
Speaker A:Or fake it until we make it?
Speaker A:I honestly don't know.
Speaker A:But here's where I'm at.
Speaker A:Maybe it's not about whether the thought is good or bad.
Speaker A:Maybe it's about where we say it.
Speaker A:Maybe it's about how we say it and who we say it to.
Speaker A:For example, if you say I'm struggling to your best friend, it's not the same thing as spiraling in a public comment thread.
Speaker A:Saying, I don't believe in myself today in a journal is not the same thing as posting it on social media and hoping for approval.
Speaker A:We need room to say the hard things, but we also need context and connection.
Speaker A:Because while words matter and we should choose what we say carefully, words are not magic spells.
Speaker A:They're tools.
Speaker A:And like any other tool, they can build or destroy, depending on how they're used.
Speaker A:I've got a degree in physics, so I'm always nerding out on quantum mechanics, like how entangled particles remain connected across these vast distances and how their states aren't determined until one is observed.
Speaker A:But we know there are at least two possible states.
Speaker A:So maybe, just maybe, even if it's just for the sake of this video, we can observe the pair and also say it's okay to hold two things at once.
Speaker A:I feel like I'm falling apart and I know this isn't the end.
Speaker A:I don't believe in myself today, and I still showed up.
Speaker A:I need help because I feel hopeless and I'm still strong.
Speaker A:In thinking all this over, I came to a really quiet conclusion we are not binary.
Speaker A:We're not broken because we're sad, and we're not failures because we can't think positively 24 7.
Speaker A:We're just human.
Speaker A:No matter how cliche it sounds.
Speaker A:Sometimes the most honest thing we can say is, I'm not okay.
Speaker A:And that's okay for now.
Speaker A:Listen, I don't have the answers.
Speaker A:I'm not here to give you five steps to fix your mindset.
Speaker A:Hell, all the coaches and therapists I've ever gone to have probably seen this and rolling their eyes and saying, did he not listen to a thing I said?
Speaker A:In fact, I did listen and I did change, and I still bump up against this.
Speaker A:And even though I may continue to struggle with this topic, I'm here to say if your thoughts are messy, if your head feels loud, if asking for help makes it feel scary, you're not alone.
Speaker A:And just by speaking it out loud in the right way, in the right place, to the right people, you might find that you're a lot stronger than you think.
Speaker A:And you're strong not just because you forced yourself to be positive, but because you allowed yourself to be real.
Speaker A:I know it's ironic that I'm talking to a camera by myself, to strangers, about things I have trouble talking about with my best friends.
Speaker A:But I couldn't think of a better way to tee up the discussion again.
Speaker A:My goal is not to conquer this and never have a negative thought again.
Speaker A:That's just unrealistic.
Speaker A:The goal is to understand myself a little bit more every single day and for you to understand more about what makes me me.
Speaker A:Maybe together we can just feel a little less isolated.
Speaker A:So thanks for sticking with me on this one and let me know what you think in the comments.
Speaker A:Or don't.
Speaker A:Either way, I hope you're doing okay.
Speaker A:And if you're not, you're still good in my book.
Speaker A:Thanks for watching.
